Feeling ugly

I'm having an ugly day today .. ugly week? ugly year? ugly 5 years? how can someone be single for 5 years? im not a nun and im not locked up in some tower somewhere .. y do guys always see me as a friend and nothing more? the best friend, never the lover. it hurts. hurts bad. i sit here and think about why .. whats so wrong with me? am i so ugly? do i have no personality? am i so unattractive? so not worth spending time with?

im lonely .. so alone. i want a hug, but not just any hug, the hug you get from your lover. the hug that says i love you, youre safe here with me and i wont let anything happen to you. i havent had one of those for so long. when's it my turn to be happy and gush about someone? whens my turn to go on a date? why cant it be me?

ugly .. is not a pleasent feeling